just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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