Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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