If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
