You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want nice things and good sex
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
