Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
