Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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