That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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