do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
