Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
