please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
