When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
