the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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