the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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