I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize