it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
