I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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