Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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