I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize