I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
