shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
