I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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