eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Shitshow foam night was such a success
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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