My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
