I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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