I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
