Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
