I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
