god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
