So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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