Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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