watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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