Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
