gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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