there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
