If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
