Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
