guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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