discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
