my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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