i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
