dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
