i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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