so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
