i think my tv is drunk
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
