Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
