Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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