I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
