I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize