omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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