Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have demons in me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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