she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
