She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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