it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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