apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
