i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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