did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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