no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
