It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
