i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
