Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize