If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
