I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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