Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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