Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
