Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
