my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize