I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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