I'm drive I can fine osifer
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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