Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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