just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize