We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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