hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
