my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
