Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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