god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
