How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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