Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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