sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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