Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
