ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize