At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize