why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
