She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
