How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
