I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We are all done wearing pants today
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
