i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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