If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
