My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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