I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
