We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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