Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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