When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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