shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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