Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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