is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
