I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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