she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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