i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The feeling are messing with the penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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