I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
