so that wasnt chicken after all
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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