Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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