real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
