can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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