Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
